Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

I asked Jaime if we could take a break from our friendship. He was for lack of a better term, heartbroken, but he said he understood.

I've been trying to fix whatever it is that is wrong in our friendship, rather than focus on myself, and fix what is wrong in myself. All my efforts have gone to him, and I'm wearing myself out.

So, until I feel like I am ready (which he said would probably be the hardest part: "I've lost a friend, and I don't know for how long. No, it doesn't matter for how long. I've never lost someone I've called best friend before. I'm sad.") we won't be spending time together or talking.

I did write him a letter yesterday, and left it on his car. And I said that if it would help him, we could just write letters, back and forth. I think that's what we'll be doing. Just staying distant for a while.

On a happier note, I've come up with a new idea for a tattoo. I'm in love with it. I've always wanted some tattoo for Harry Potter, and had always thought the Hogwarts crest was what it would be, and I may still get that. But now, I'm getting a wand (most likely Sirius's). The wand will be in color, and on my right foot, kind of on the side, near the ball of my foot. Out of the wand (and this is the best part) in UV ink, I want the word spell, lumos. It will literally glow, and always remind me that there is light in the darkness. I am so in love with the idea.

Yesterday, I also told my manager, Sara, about my depression. We went to dinner and I cried at the table with her, and told her I just felt like I needed to tell someone at work, and apologize because I haven't felt like my shifts in the last few weeks have been my strongest. I'm so glad that she knows now.

Well, I'm off. Going to try to see if I can go to Disneyland tonight with my best friend. It's been way too long since we've gone.