No, not a druggie. But maybe if I was, life would be more fun? No. Don't worry, I wouldn't go there. I've had friends who have fallen down that path. I won't go there.
But I have this awful tendency to open up to people that I love, and then get scared and shut down, pushing them away.
I almost lost one of my closest friends for it last night.
I've had my heart broken, once. It was in early 2009. It wasn't his fault, he just didn't feel the same about me, as I felt about him. We had been friends, and then it kind of just happened. One day, I realized I was in love with him. But this is a story for another post.
What I wanted to say, in briefly mentioning having had my heart broken, was that I felt like that again last night. It was a dark place. My entire body was in so much pain. My heart felt like it was being torn into little bits.
It hasn't completely recovered. I'm still afraid I might lose him.
I don't think that is something I could handle now. This May is battering me like an abusive husband; I can't lose my friend too.
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